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“I’m overwhelmed about something. But I don’t know what.” -
I know the World Cup tournament has ended. And team anyone-but-Argentina hoisted the trophy up at the end. But the best part of the month-long competition was how I was able to share the highs and lows with my family and friends. We were fortunate that we got to see the first game held in Seattle. It was USA vs. Australia and USA won! I wasn’t ready for the fever that was going to put me on a course of obsession. Below are photos from the match we saw, followed by a random look at how life revolved around the tournament.
Glam bot 
Quick selfie before finding our seats. 
SEATTLE! 
National anthems before the start of the match. 
Alexi Lalas – Not sure I like him now, though. 
I believe this is US players Christian Pulisic and Malik Tillman. 
Friend 1’s view 
Friend 2’s view 
My home view. 
Lattes and knock-out bracket 
Gotta eat -
I am a card-carrying member of the We Do Not Care Club, started by Melani. It is Friday, and I simply do not care much anymore.
Y’all, it is the end of the school year. Today is the last Friday of the school year, and it is also the week of my child’s birthday and another kid’s birthday, and PTA volunteer requests, meetings about next year’s programs, summer festivals, and the heat is rising in Seattle. Which, for those that do not know, we get heat advisory warnings when we pass 70 degrees. Really. And I get it. I think whoever puts the heat advisory out is also in the WDNC Club. But seriously, my ridiculous ADHD people-pleasing, perfectionist, RSD tendencies are running high all while I simply in my bones do not want to care much anymore.
Did I mention I also had a birthday, and am now one year closer to the ultimate sleep? Yah. I’m morbid today. But then I think of what my kid said on their birthday: The best birthday gift that I got when I was born was you two as my parents. Well, F- me. I gotta stay alive to watch this beautiful human turn into an awesome human being that will help fight toxic masculinity, racism, sexism, and all the -isms that F- with marginalized human beings.
Just thought I’d throw this in here. It felt like my brain. -
I had a burst of creative energy in the past month, which is funny because I also had some crazy mental lows. So I started a shop on TeePublic and have some designs out for people to enjoy through print-on-demand items. I have yet to see if it would be worth getting a bulk of merchandise to sell. At the moment, I want to just enjoy that I am putting my art out there. Enjoy!
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I woke up to my kid being the most adorable version of himself. He squeezed between me and my husband in our bed and said “I’ll be the tomato and lettuce, and you two are the bread.” We peppered each other with kisses and gave big bear hugs. This made getting out of bed pretty easy. I went downstairs to start my personal routine of taking meds, boiling water, grinding coffee, taking out my journal or checking email, or checking in with my friends via text.
Mornings when my kid has school I wake up an hour earlier to do all this. It’s my morning mental stretch. My time to sit in silence, think about how the day will go, check in with how I’m feeling, wait for the meds and coffee to do their thing for the executive function. And just breathe. And when I do not get that time, I really feel the squeeze. My day is thrown. Emotional dysregulation sets in. I find it impossible to concede to my kid’s need for attention. This uncontrollable stubbornness takes over and I JUST. WANT. MY. TIME. TO. MYSELF.
I recognize that this reaction is cold and selfish. Those are the exact same words that I use when the guilt sets in. Motherhood/parenthood really has been the most challenging of things to have happened to me. The co-regulation of emotions. The desire to raise a child that is not an a-hole, but a self-sufficient, confident, fun, kind, compassionate, and helpful human being – It’s a test I hadn’t prepped for, but holy f- I don’t think anyone could ever prepare enough for this. And somewhere between the feelings of elation and heartbreak, are all the other feelings of discouragement, anxiety, wonder, joy, sadness, anger, frustration, hilarity, and more. Because there really are not enough words to describe all of the feelings between the feelings.
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The past week had a few days close to 60, which is not typical here in the Pacific Northwest. I don’t know if these flowers usually bud at this time, so wondered if the warm front that came through affected their timeline.
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I looked up and saw Orion
Belt and sword
Outstretched arms
Grounded stance
floating in the heavens on Christmas Eve
I want to be Orion
Weightless and brilliant
On-the-ready
No one able to pull me down
But I am mortal and not Orion
Tethered and uncertain
Tripping and scraping
Serving food and drink on an empty stomach
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We took a bite out of the holiday budget to get new Christmas stockings and bought these beautiful wool stockings from Eighth Generation.
Left to Right:
From Thunderbird Arrives Wool Blanket by Louie Gong (Nooksack)
From Cherokee Treasure Wool Blanket by Bryan Waytula (Cherokee)
From Walk in Beauty Wool Blanket by Ahsaki Lafrance-Chachere (Diné/Navajo and African American)
They’re very spacious, with room to hold more than a few goodies.
They are generously sized and spacious enough for more than a few goodies. However, given these most trying times, I do think this year the gifts we will be the most thankful for are our friends, family, community.
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This past week I caught up on the latest available season of Bakeoff. So naturally I was inspired and decided to eat through random ingredients around the kitchen. This was a sweet potato (that I’ve had for a while) mashed with Mexican style sour cream, salami, and aged cheddar, and a pinch of salt and pepper.
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Howling
by Marivic PinedoThis is my latest empty coffee mug vision. After landing on a color, I couldn’t help but see the moon. This started off looking straight down into the mug, but it looked too straight forward. The obscured edges reminded me of looking past the silhouette of a tree’s branches, or more plainly, a shallow depth of field. Then I thought about how I am never looking at the moon straight on. It’s high up in space. We’re always looking up at it. So I tilted the image to play with that part of my brain that lends itself to illusions; not that I think this is one. As for its title, it feels very on-the-nose. The act of howling can mean longing or calling. I imagine the release of near-bottomless sadness, unrelenting pain, or even unanswered prayers. As this year wraps up howling feels like an appropriate thing to do.
